WIRTW #684: the “chocolate city” edition

This is Dante, our four-year-old vizsla. Last week, he thought it was a good idea to eat some cocoa powder. As a result, he spent an overnight in the emergency vet hospital; he seems no worse for wear.

Chocolate is toxic to dogs because it contains both theobromine and caffeine, which dogs cannot metabolize and which causes significant and dangerous digestive, neurologic, and cardiac effects. In fact, cocoa powder contains the highest concentration of these chemicals and is the most toxic to dogs. According to vet, the Dante likely ate 2.5 times the lethal limit.

In other words, it's a really good thing we took him in.

He did suffer a cardiac episode while admitted. The vet told us Dante had tachycardia (an abnormally increased heart rate), which they controlled via medicine. He's had no other issues since we brought him home.

We all learned a lesson. Dante (hopefully) learned not to eat cocoa powder. We learned that when you're cleaning out your cabinets as water pours out of your kitchen ceiling from a burst pipe, take the time to make sure the dangerous stuff remains out of reach.

This is me, exhaling a huge sigh of relief. 😮‍💨 😌

Here's what I read and heard this past week that you should read and hear, too.

Determining the exempt status of a dual-purpose employee

Tony works at a local brewery as its assistant general manager. In that capacity, he interviews, hires, trains, coaches, disciplines, and fires lower-level employees; recommends employees for promotions; meets with lower-level managers to ensure they are meeting expectations; and reviews sales, hours, labor, and overtime reports. To meet the operational needs, however, Tony also picks up regular shifts in the taproom performing hourly, nonexempt work such as waiting tables and bartending. Despite his $75,000 annual salary, Tony estimates that he only spends approximately 20% of his working time performing his managerial duties, while he spends the balance of his time on non-exempt tasks.

Is Tony FLSA exempt or FLSA non-exempt?

This is why I hate timeclock rounding policies

The rounding of an employee's clock-ins and clock-out to the nearest of a specific increment of time is perfectly legal. It's also a perfectly terrible idea.

Let me explain.

5th Circuit rejects the “ultimate employment decision” test for workplace discrimination claims

"Female employees are not given full weekends off and can only receive weekdays or partial weekends off."

Is this policy legal or illegal? 

Getting your termination ducks in a row

Just because someone engages in protected conduct doesn't mean you can't fire them. It just means you better have your ducks in a row when you do so.

Case in point: the saga of Nicole Oeuvray and the Art Directors Guild. Oeuvray, who served as the guild's accountant for 16 years, had been one of leaders of a campaign to organize the guild's employees into a labor union.

WIRTW #683: the “here comes the flood” edition

Lord, here comes the flood

We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood

If again the seas are silent in any still alive

It'll be those who gave their island to survive

– Peter Gabriel, "Here Comes the Flood"

That songs has been playing on a loop in my head for the past few days. That's how long it's been since my house flooded. A supply line to our master shower burst, causing my kitchen ceiling to resemble the Bellagio Fountains (but upside-down). 

T he here of our story is my 15-year-old son, Donovan, who was home with no adults. The rest of us were driving home from our daughter's doctor appointment. D-man FaceTimed me to show me the rushing waters. I pulled over into the nearest parking lot and, also via FaceTime, walked him through how to shut off the water from the main.

Without D-man's quick thinking the flood would have been a lot worse. As it stands, we will need a whole new kitchen, along with new carpet both upstairs and in our basement, some new bathroom cabinets, and I'm sure lots of other stuff.

Needless to say, it's been a week.

Here's what I read this week that you should read, too.

There is no such thing as free speech at work

"Having successfully settled my case with ESPN/Disney, I have decided to leave so I can exercise my first amendment rights more freely."

-vs-

"ESPN and Sage Steele have mutually agreed to part ways. We thank her for her many contributions over the years."

Those are two vastly different statements published by (now former) ESPN anchor Sage Steele and her former employer.

ESPN's statement is standard vanilla for a company announcing someone's departure.

Sage Steele's statement, however, is borderline dangerous because it continues to foster a myth that private sector employees enjoy First Amendment rights at work.

Steele's lawsuit against ESPN followed her removal from the air two years ago after a series of controversial public comments about vaccine mandates ("to mandate … is … sick … and … scary"); female sports reporters and sexual harassment (women need to "be responsible" and it "isn't just on players and athletes and coaches to act a certain way"); and former President Barack Obama's racial identity ("I think that's fascinating considering his Black dad was nowhere to be found, but his White mom and grandma raised him").

Let me say this one more time, loudly, for the people in the back:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FREE SPEECH AT WORK.

The First Amendment to which Sage Steele refers prohibits the government from restricting speech, not private employers — "Congress shall make no law … abridging the freedom of speech…."

Yes, there are some limited exceptions to the lack of workplace free speech rights — government workers; complaints about discrimination; protected concerted activity under the National Labor Relations Act; and the few states that grant speech rights to all employees.

But otherwise, no one should operate under the mistaken impression that they can flap their gums about whatever they want without workplace consequences. People like Sage Steele who continue to perpetrate the fallacy of workplace free speech are doing everyone (including themselves) a grave disservice.