WIRTW #817 (the 'grace' edition)
Grace is earned, not owed.
On election night, Ohio's governor-elect reportedly let a phone call from her opponent go to voicemail. Vivek Ramaswamy said in his concession speech that his team "left her a message to congratulate her on her victory." Amy Acton didn't pick up.
Some people will call that petty. Concession calls are a ritual. The loser calls, the winner answers, and everyone performs a little grace for the cameras and the country.
That misses the point.
Two weeks before the election, the Ramaswamy campaign spent millions to air an ad featuring Acton's estranged mother, who called her daughter a liar and suggested she needed help. Acton has spoken openly about being removed from her mother's home at age 12, after her stepfather was charged with raping her. The ad drew condemnation from Republicans and Democrats alike, including Governor DeWine, who called on the campaign to pull it. The campaign defended it and continued to run it.
That wasn't a policy disagreement or even a hard-hitting contrast ad. It was a deliberate decision to weaponize the most painful chapter of someone's childhood.
So did Governor-Elect Acton owe Ramaswamy a conversation on election night? And what do we owe anyone who has intentionally mistreated us?
We teach people, especially professionals, to be the bigger person. Don't burn bridges. Take the call. Smile at the handshake. That is good advice for ordinary friction, like a sharp-elbowed negotiation, a bruising cross-examination, or a rival who plays hard but plays fair.
It's not good advice, however, for someone who looked at your worst moments and decided to use them against you. Grace is a gift. It is not a debt that accrues to whoever happens to be on the other side of the table. Someone who intentionally mistreats you does not get to cash in on your civility the moment it becomes convenient for them.
I see this in workplaces all the time. The manager who undermined an employee for months and then expects a warm exit interview. The executive who ran a smear campaign and then wants a "clean break" and a glowing reference. The business partner who went scorched-earth and now wants to "move forward." They want the benefits of decency without having practiced any.
You can be professional without being warm. You can be polite without being available. You can decline the call and still behave lawfully, avoid retaliation, and keep your own conduct beyond reproach. Boundaries and bitterness are not the same thing.
Respect is something people earn by how they treat others. When someone spends weeks and millions of dollars showing you who they are, you are allowed to believe them.
Leaders should remember that before they approve the next ad, the next email, or the next performance review. Your conduct is also your reputation. And sometimes the consequence of your conduct is a voicemail.
Here's what I read this week that you should read, too.
Project 2025's Impact on Employment Policy and Practice is Controversial but Undeniable — HR Daily Advisor
Employees Had to Arrive Early. The Manager Had the Keys. Who Pays for the Wait? — The Employer Handbook
What Sycophantic AI Can Cost Your Organization — Harvard Business Review
Till Dissolution Do Us Part: Inside Weil's Biglaw Breakup — Above the Law
EEOC signals rollback of Pregnant Workers Fairness Act regulations — HR Dive
Horseshoe Casino Baltimore to pay $150,000 to settle bias suit — The Baltimore Sun
Lockheed Will Pay $29.5 Million Over Claims It Discriminated Against White Employees — 24/7 Wall St.
Democrats seize Congress in sweeping midterm repudiation of Trump — Virginia Lawyers Weekly
'Are You With Us, the Workers, Or Are You With the Big Tech Billionaires?' — Politico
Self-checkout was supposed to cut costs. Instead, it created a problem retailers didn't anticipate — Fast Company
Columbus is losing breweries amid rising costs, lower demand — NBC4 Columbus