WIRTW #386 (the “onion” edition)

I’ve the reading the Onion for years. It’s consistently funny, often offensive, and seldom disappoints. Here’s some quick hits (all, surprisingly, SFW) published by the Onion over the past year.

• Impressive New Hire Figures Out Bare Minimum Of Work Job Requires On First Day
• Boss Able To Seamlessly Blend Constructive Criticism With Personal Attacks
• Company Flat-Out Asks Female Candidate How Much Mileage They Can Get Out Of Her Before She Has Baby
• Jeff Bezos Assures Amazon Employees That HR Working 100 Hours A Week To Address Their Complaints
• HR Director Reminds Employees That Any Crying Done At Office Must Be Work-Related
• HR Sends Out Reminder Email About Not Scrawling ‘Revenge’ In Blood In Conference Room

Here’s the rest of what I read this week:

Discrimination

• Pre-Employment Drug Tests Were Not Medical Examinations Under ADA, Federal Court Holds — via Joe’s HR and Benefits Blog
• Something wrong with a little bump ‘n’ grind. Sexual harassment, perhaps. — via Eric Meyer’s The Employer Handbook Blog
• Fifth Circuit Establishes “Snapshot” and Contemporaneous Documentation Requirements for Employers — via Laconic Law Blog
• Alcoholism and the ADA — via Phil Miles’s Lawffice Space
• Employees Under The Influence: Disabled But Not Unfireable — via Employment Discrimination Report
• Can a Corporation Pursue a Retaliation Claim? — via Understanding the Americans with Disabilities Act
• ADA and accommodating peanut allergies at work — via Next Blog

Social Media & Workplace Technology

• Cyber Insurance: Why You Need It If Your Organization Collects Consumer Data — via Privacy and Data Security Insight
• Future Friday: Does telecommuting cause a digital divide? — via Mike Haberman’s Omega HR Solutions
• Status Updates: People-rating app proves unpopular; new tech automates compelling-photo selection; Twitter 101 for the political class — via Socially Aware Blog
• Twitter’s Seemingly Unsociable Approach To Layoffs — via Workplace Diva

HR & Employee Relations

• Can You Keep a Secret in Human Resources? — via Dan Schwartz’s Connecticut Employment Law Blog
• If You Don’t Get a Flu Shot, You’re a Jerk — via Evil HR Lady, Suzanne Lucas
• Will Employees be Grateful for Time Off this Thanksgiving? — via ERC Insights Blog
• Flex Work and Telework: It’s About Time to Kick the Excuses to the Curb — via TLNT
• LinkedIn's Unlimited Vacation Time Comes With an Asterisk — via In House
• Compliance Is a Part of Business — via hr bartender
• Creating a Better Background Check for Your Business — via Workplace Insights
• Amazon hopes to improve workplace with daily feedback from its white collar employees — via The Verge
• Think Before You Shoot on Noncompete: Why The Threatening Letter May Not Be Your First Move — via Currents

Wage & Hour

• The FLSA and the Primary Duty: Classifying Employees Working Both Exempt and Non-Exempt Jobs — via Doug Hass’s The Day Shift
• Sixth Circuit Holds That Worm Farmers Exempt from Overtime Requirements of FLSA — via Wage and Hour Law Update
• A WARNing to Directors and Officers — Failure to give proper WARN Act notice may breach your fiduciary duty — via Employment Matters Blog
• L.A. eateries adopt surcharge for employee health, get charged with price fixing — via Walter Olson’s Overlawyered
• Negative comments about FMLA use? Call your lawyer because you will be sued — via Business Management Daily

Labor Relations

• Verizon Issues Mobile App to Help Document Unlawful Acts by Striking Employees — via Matt Austin Labor Law
• More About Sen. Bernie Sanders’ Card Check Proposal — via Labor Relations Today
• Unions and NLRB Procedures Threaten Community Rehabilitation Programs — via Tim McConville’s Labor and Employment Law Cocktail