HR horror stories

If you've never experienced someone spreading 💩 all over the place, then you don’t work in employment law or HR.

For example, consider the following, which I found on the local police blotter—

Ex-employee in deep doo-doo after prank: A cashier reported an employee who had given his two weeks’ notice was seen running from the restaurant restroom to his car and driving away. A check of the restroom revealed the suspect had scattered dog feces on the floor. He was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.

Based on my experience, this story is quite tame. Just the floor? What about the walls? And only dog feces? Or was it really just dog feces?

I posted that story on LinkedIn and asked if anyone could top it. My followers did not disappoint.

I'm omitting names and employers to protect the guilty. Happy Tuesday!

• Yes- someone once took a 💩 in a coworkers work boots and left it in his locker.

• After having to tell employees that they needed to stop having sex in the water room (the room where water is purified before being used for dialysis), stop showing patients pictures of their new nipple tattoos/piercings, stop asking patients for loans, and more, I seldom am surprised anymore.

• I had a young lady throw a used feminine product on the floor of the men's room when she had an altercation with her boss.

• One time, I had to let an employee go because they were continually trying to bum cigarettes from customers at the front window when handing out food. The next day, the terminated employee pulled their car in front of the restaurant and leaned up against the trunk of their car towards the drive thru, arms folded, watching us go about our day and just smiling and waving at us for about 20 minutes before leaving. About 15 minutes later in the middle of the busiest hour of our day, a customer angrily comes to the front counter telling me that our bathrooms are horrendous and she would never be back. I walk in to the bathroom and the smell hits me immediately but alas, there is no poop to be found. I walk in each stall and see nothing. Finally, I step in to the large stall and let the door close behind me. On the tile and grout wall that is typical of a classic McDonald's bathroom, this terminated employee (I guess I should add "allegedly") created a poop tic tac toe board in the grout of the entire wall, floor to ceiling. Complete with X's and O's. Worst day of my restaurant career. (O's won if you were wondering.)

• Years ago, the supervisor of our department informed all the ladies that our restroom would be out of order until the mess could be cleaned. She learned that the woman next to me had deficated in all the stalls and smeared it across the floor and up the stall and tile walls. Yuk! 😒

• We had someone spread human feces all over the wall at a place I worked. Also had someone using recreational drugs in that same restroom, resulting in a considerable blood splatter all the way up to the ceiling.

• Don't know if it tops your story...but I once did a whole investigation to find out exactly who 💩 on the floor of the restroom. The witness only saw the person's feet under the bathroom stall, so I had to go around looking for green toenail polish (in a mostly female office of 150 people!) The culprit actually worked for the CPA that shared the same building as us. Apparently had tummy trouble and came to the bathroom on our end of the building to avoid embarrassment, but, um...didn't quite make it. 🙄 🙄 😖

• At one placed I worked we had a recurring issue with an individual spreading human feces on the walls. They would also 💩 on the floor next to the toilet...then cover with toilet paper. This went on for months. We ended up posting "Wanted" posters for information on the "Bathroom Bandit" with a reward and it finally stopped.

• I had an employee mail a package containing feces to his former manager after he was terminated. Never a dull moment in HR....

• My ex regularly had to deal with urine and feces in the women's dressing room. Most often it would be ON clothing, like fancy dresses and stuff. Not sure if this is some sort of weird act of rebellion against prom dresses or if people get their clothes off and realize they can't hold it any longer or what, but it was fairly regular.

• We had a partner who -- as the story goes -- would urinate in plastic bottles and keep them in his office (under his desk, windowsill ... that kind of thing).

• Wow. I don’t know it fits the bill. This is back when I lived in Manhattan. I was walking down the sidewalk eating a hotdog 🌭 when out the corner of my eye I see this cabbie clip a man ridding his bike as the cabbie is trying to swerve in and out of traffic to cut people off getting ahead of the yeah. So. Guy is ok gets back up keeps riding. Cabbie gets a red light at the next intersection. Stops in the right hand. Guy on bike (admittedly) looked very disheveled possibly homeless. Comes up, stops for a moment - I’m watching with glee, cyclist realizes he’s stopped alongside the cabbie who clipped him and has this expression like “unbridled madness” aka mel gibson lol. Reaches in his pants & grabs a wadd as if it were “on-demand” of 💩 and lobbs it at the cabbie’s windshield like a snowball… cabbie turns on windshield whipper’s - Im 💀…. People are just 😒🤨 guys rides off cabbie cussin him off into his poop handed distance… that one always gets me cause the mental picture is still fresh’ 🙃

Those are my readers, or, more accurately, my readers' employees.

* Photo by June O on Unsplash